Permission to Feel Conflicted: 4 Ways to Honor the Need to Connect Part 3
It feels a bit redundant to talk about the importance of connection during the year of 2020. You’ve probably heard or read about this need to connect even in the midst of a global pandemic from the news, social media, church, etc. You’ve read that connecting is a good way to combat depression from the isolation of stay-at-home orders, remote work, etc. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Gee, how riveting. Another reminder that I’m lonely/isolated/sad and that I should still try to connect in an impossible situation.” Fair enough. I myself feel a bit obtuse as I write this and might even be rolling my eyes at myself. And yet: the importance of this message stands.
You are made for Relationship. Connection is not optional.
This year in particular, I don’t have to work too hard to convince you of this. But, if you’re needing any more evidence as to the veracity of this statement, look no further than the origin story of our very humanity.
As we recount the beginnings of creation in the book of Genesis, we read about the “good”-ness of all of creation. Light & dark, land & sky, fruits & vegetables (yep- even the vegetables), and so on. What is the very first thing encountered in creation that wasn’t good?
Man (or human) being alone (Genesis 2:18). Up until this point, everything was good. The isolation and loneliness of a single human being by themself is the very first acknowledgement of something going against the goodness that God intended for His creation.
Like it or not, you actually need other people to survive and thrive. Certainly, it would be easier if this relationality weren’t wired into our humanity and into our brains and bodies. And yes, due to your personality, background, and past experiences- traumatic or not- you might actually loathe the thought of needing others to survive, as other people often tend to cause you more harm than good.
And yet, perhaps the awareness of your need for connection might be stronger than it’s ever been.
Rather than telling you to FaceTime your friends and family or to spend yet another hour on Zoom, I want to share with you other ways to access connection that are accessible wherever you are. Additionally, your need for connection doesn’t solely have to be met through interacting with others (see the previous article about the need to protect). While human connection is deeply meaningful and necessary, you can also access connection through God, Creation, and strangely enough, with yourself. Check out these ideas below:
Connect with God.
Talk with God. Maybe you need to yell at Him. Cry in angst and desolation. Rejoice with words of hope and thanksgiving. Sit in silence with awe at His power. However and whatever you are experiencing: speak these things to God. He can handle it. And in fact, He longs for you to invite him into all of the spaces of your heart and mind.
Connect with Creation.
Walk outside. Whether in a national forest, a suburban neighborhood, or the middle of a city, there is life happening all around you. Spend a few minutes each day noticing your personal connection to things in your living environment.
Turn your indoor office into a mini-greenhouse or garden. Studies have shown that simply having an indoor plant can improve your psychological state.1
Connect with Another.
Write a letter to a friend or family member who you are unable to connect with this season, due to the pandemic or otherwise.
If your person is no longer alive, give yourself permission to still talk with them: whether through letter writing, prayer, internally throughout the day, or out-loud (maybe reserve this option for at-home). Although you can no longer literally connect with this person, you can still connect with them through the internalized memories and shared experiences housed in your mind and soul.
Connect with Yourself.
Sing or hum to yourself. Seriously. Research shows that humming activates the same part of your nervous system that is used when you are in “social engagement” mode.
Establish a regular rhythm of “checking in” with yourself. Perhaps that’s through journaling, a daily gratitude practice, a body scan exercise, or any other way you’ve found to check in with your emotions, energy, body, and mind. Staying connected inward empowers you to better connect outward.
Although these ideas do not wholly satisfy your need for connection, they will offer you a foretaste of the fullness and restoration of connection to come when the second Advent is here. May you experience a glimpse of shalom and peace on this side of eternity.
Want to learn more about how to work towards a more connected state? Click here to learn more about Sam Alvis, RC therapist and the other ways that Restoration Counseling can come alongside you.