The Courage to Risk: Rebuilding Emotional Connection in Marriage
Risk. It's a word that can make many couples shudder. It's often associated with fear, uncertainty, and stepping into unknown territory. But, as we'll discuss, it's an essential element in rebuilding emotional connections.
When I talk about risk, I'm not referring to extreme activities like skydiving or cliff jumping. Instead, I'm talking about the kind of relational risk required to step into new ways of connecting and relating with your spouse.
Authenticity and Vulnerability
To take these relational risks, two key components are essential: authenticity and vulnerability.
1. Authenticity: Being authentic means telling the truth about your experience within the relationship. It involves expressing what's genuinely happening, your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, without being hurtful or demeaning.
2. Vulnerability: Vulnerability goes a step further. It's when you not only share your authentic self but also invite your spouse into your emotional world. You open the door for them to understand your innermost feelings and thoughts, even if it means being impacted by their response.
Authenticity allows your spouse to peer into your living room, but vulnerability invites them to sit down and have a meaningful conversation with you.
Rebuilding emotional connection in a marriage often necessitates taking these relational risks. Here's why they matter:
1. Authenticity and vulnerability create opportunities for honest communication. They enable you to express your feelings, fears, and desires in a safe space.
2. Relational risk opens the door to change. By taking these risks, you're allowing new pathways and possibilities to emerge in your relationship.
3. It allows you to move from protecting yourself from potential harm to being open to love. Remember, keeping people on the other side of the door also means missing out on the potential for them to care for and love you.
If you or your spouse is emotionally unavailable, here are some steps to consider:
1. Self-Reflection: Tune into your own thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Understand what you're experiencing at the moment.
2. Share Authentically: Take the risk of sharing your authentic feelings and thoughts with your spouse. Use "I" statements to express your experience without blame or criticism.
3. Be Open to Listening: If you're the listener, be present and open to hearing your spouse's authentic feelings. Create a space where they feel heard and understood.
4. Encourage Vulnerability: Encourage your spouse to go beyond authenticity and embrace vulnerability. Let them know that you're there to listen and support them.
5. Seek Professional Help: Consider working with a therapist who can guide you both through this process of rebuilding emotional connection.
Remember, rebuilding emotional connection is a journey that takes time. It's not something that happens overnight. However, by taking relational risks, being authentic, and embracing vulnerability, you can begin to create a deeper and more meaningful connection with your spouse.