Ending Therapeutic Separation with Grace and Self-Compassion
As a Christian marriage counselor, I've walked alongside numerous couples through therapeutic separations over the course of my career. Some have emerged from this journey with renewed love and commitment, while others have realized that it didn't lead to the reconciliation they hoped for. In this article, we'll discuss what happens when a therapeutic separation doesn't work and how to navigate this challenging phase with grace and self-compassion.
In life, both beginnings and endings are essential. Just as a successful start sets the tone, concluding something well is equally crucial. If you find yourself at the end of a therapeutic separation, it's essential to recognize that some endings are necessary and healthy. The book "Necessary Endings" can be a valuable resource as you contemplate the next steps.
Acknowledging When It's Not Working:
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may realize that the therapeutic separation isn't achieving the desired results.
It could be due to unresolved hurts, addiction issues, infidelity, or irreconcilable differences.
Remember that it's okay if the separation doesn't work as planned; it's a learning experience.
The Value of Trying:
Give yourselves credit for trying. You've taken intentional steps to work on your marriage.
Even if the marriage doesn't survive the separation, consider what you've learned about yourselves and your own healing journey.
Growth and healing can still make the journey worthwhile.
Ending with Honor and Generosity:
When it's clear that the therapeutic separation hasn't led to healing, it's crucial to end the relationship well.
Honor the journey you've been on together, recognizing the progress you've made individually.
Approach the end with generosity of spirit and love, avoiding self-contempt and blaming your spouse.
Ritualizing the End:
Just as your marriage began with a ritual, consider having a mutually agreed-upon ritual to finalize this phase.
It can be a formal or informal ceremony, symbolizing the closure of your relationship.
Refrain from blaming yourself or your spouse for the separation's outcome. Self-contempt and other-centered contempt can hinder your healing process and disrupt future relationships.
Facing the end of a therapeutic separation is undoubtedly challenging, but it can also be an opportunity for healing and growth. Remember that both beginnings and endings are part of life's journey. If you find yourself at this juncture, honor the effort you've put in, recognize the progress you've made, and approach the conclusion with grace, generosity, and self-compassion.