by Nicole Clifton

Dear ones, we are in unprecedented times, in the midst of a global pandemic. Without comparing loss, we are all dealing with a lot right now. Anxiety is heavy in the air. Do I think we can come back to a place of gratitude? For sure. Do I think we still need joy, play, and laughter during this season? Absolutely. And, we are still allowed to be sad. Unfortunately, I see a lot of responses to sadness, anger, or anxiety that tries to minimize, deflect, or shut down those feelings. 

The truth is, we idolize happiness, both as Americans and as Christians. American culture reinforces the idea that our messy feelings aren’t welcome, only smiles and positivity. The Christian version of that tells us that if we just trust God, we will be free from anxiety. If we pray enough, read our Bibles enough, or only listen to worship music, then we are guaranteed to avoid the vulnerability that this pandemic is bringing up for all of us.

It is important to remember that people don’t need to be rescued from their sadness with upbeat worship songs or Christian memes. You can offer those types of things if someone asks for them, but we don’t need to hand them out as a “one size fits all” solution to eliminate feelings that make us uncomfortable. 

I witness this dynamic among Christians for whom religion and faith are used to “encourage” others to abide in peace and joy (instead of letting people feel what they feel). The truth is that someone can be holding onto hope and faith and still not feel happy. There are so many valid things to be sad about right now. When positivity gets spiritualized, it can make people feel shame for just being human. We are not winning at Christianity if we stay consistently happy during a global pandemic. You don’t have to stay happy to be a good witness or prove that your faith works. Faith is not meant to be used as a shield that only lets happy things in and keeps the messy feelings of others (or ourselves) out. That’s not how Jesus functioned. 

Jesus sat in the mess with others. If you think back to the story of Lazarus, Jesus wept when His friend died. He grieved and lamented despite knowing that He was about to change the narrative. He let himself feel the heavy realities of what it means to be human, to experience disease, physical limitation, and death. He let Himself engage with the people He loved in their emotions. 

So many of us have been told that our emotions are liabilities, not assets. However, emotions ARE assets that tell us important information about ourselves, about brokenness and pain. They clue us in to what’s really going on in our hearts and minds, help us to connect to each other, and often lead us to make wiser decisions. 

We can’t deny, deflect, or numb our way out of this pandemic. There is grief and anxiety. There is sadness and fear and anger. We are all experiencing loss. It is only when we name and engage those feelings that we can find a healthy way forward. 

In the movie, Inside Out, Joy believes Sadness doesn’t have a purpose. She actually says, “I don’t really know what she does.” She even tries to draw a circle for Sadness to stand in so that Sadness will be contained. Through a series of events, Joy realizes that life is hard and she cannot always stay happy. When someone else is sad, Joy tries to fix it or make that character laugh, but Sadness validates that character’s loss. Sadness stops what she’s doing and comforts them while they cry. And after that character cries and talks about it, they say “I’m okay now.” She comes to realize that some of our core memories, the things that mold and shape who we are as human beings, can hold both joy AND sadness. 

If we embrace both joy and sadness in this season, we will be better for it. Sadness actually can bring us together just as deeply as joy can. We need them both. 

Sweet ones, honor both in this season. Honor them within you and within people around you. We all need that kindness right now.

Nicole Clifton is a Life Coach with Restoration Counseling specializing in high school and college students in transition and their parents. Learn more about Nicole here.